📚 The Book in 3 Bullets

• Talk less about yourself, and get genuinely interested in other people.

• Always get the other person's point of view and their wants and needs.

• People are far more interested in their own problems, even if the rest of the world is burning, they will only want to talk about what they’re doing.

✍️ My Top Quotes

• Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof when your own doorstep is unclean.

• We often take our spouses for granted and we never let them know we appreciate them.

• Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.

• Arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.

• There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

• Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love.

📖 Summary & Notes

• Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

• People think they are always doing the right thing so if you criticize them they will just dig in their heels further.

• Any fool can criticize, condemn or complain—and most fools do. It takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

• Try to understand people instead of condemning them. Trying to understand fosters sympathy, tolerance, and kindness.

• Give honest and sincere appreciation.

• The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

• The best way to arouse enthusiasm in others is by appreciation and encouragement. There is nothing else that kills ambitions quicker than criticisms.

• Don’t criticize people if you’re not happy with their actions, incentivize their work instead.

• Try leaving trails of gratitude on your daily trips. You’ll be surprised by how many friendships come out of it.

• Arouse in the other person an eager want.

• The only way to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

• Before trying to persuade someone, ask yourself: “how can I make this person want to do it”

• See things from the other person's perspective as well as from your own. This may be very beneficial in your career.

Six ways to make people like you

• Become genuinely interested in others.

• You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

• If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out to do things for other people—things that require time, energy, unselfishness, and thoughtfulness.

• Smile

• People who smile tend to manage, teach, and sell more effectively, and raise happier children. There’s far more information in a smile than a frown. That’s why encouragement is a much more effective teaching device than punishment.

• If you’re in a bad mood, try smiling. Action and feeling go together. By regulating action, you can regulate feeling.

• Remember people's names because their name is the most important word to them.

• Whenever you meet a new person, find out some facts about their lives and fix them in your mind for the next time that you see them ask them personalized questions.

• The average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. Make it a point to remember everyone’s name!

• Most people don’t remember names, for the simple reason that they don’t take the time and energy necessary to concentrate and repeat and fix names indelibly in their minds.

• If you don’t hear their name clearly, simply say “So sorry, I didn’t get the name clearly.” Then if it is an unusual name, ask how it is spelled.

• Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves

• If you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that the other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments.

• A boil on one’s neck interests one more than forty earthquakes in Africa. Think of that the next time you start a conversation.

• Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

• Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely.

• In order to make people like you, don’t say nice things about yourself, find something you can honestly admire about the other person and then tell them.

• Don’t look for anything in return when complimenting others, do it for the sake of being a good human being.

• Always make the other person feel important

• The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.

• You don’t want to listen to cheap, insincere flattery, but you do crave sincere appreciation.

• Almost all the people you meet feel superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.

• Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.

Win people to your way of thinking

• The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it

• You can never win an argument. Even if you win it, you lose it.

• How to keep a disagreement from becoming an argument

  • Welcome the disagreement

  • Distrust your first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful.

  • Control your temper. Remember, you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.

  • Listen first. Give your opponents a chance to talk.

  • Look for areas of agreement.

  • Be honest. Look for areas where you can admit error and say so.

  • Promise to think over your opponent’s ideas and study them carefully.

  • Thank your opponents sincerely for their interest. Anyone who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things as you.

  • Postpone action to give both sides time to think through the problem.

• Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Don’t just say “you’re wrong.”

• You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.

• One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing.

• There’s magic in such phrases as “I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.”

• You will never be in trouble by admitting you may be wrong.

• If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

• Have the courage to admit your errors. This often clears the air of guilt and defensiveness.

• By fighting you never get enough, by yielding you get more than you expected.

• Begin in a friendly manner

• The next time you are tempted to tell someone he or she is wrong, let’s remember old Socrates and ask a gentle question that will get the other person saying “yes, yes”

• He who treads softly goes far.

• Let the other person do most of the talking.

• Your friends would rather talk to us about their achievements than listen to us boast about our own.

• If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.

• Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

• Don’t try and urge the other person to buy what you think they should buy. Get their ideas first and let them sell to themselves.

• Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.

• Cooperativeness in conversation is achieved when you show that you consider the other person’s ideas and feelings as important as your own.

• An increased tendency to think in terms of the other person’s point of view, and see things from their own angle as well as your own may prove to be one of the stepping-stones of your career.

• Be sympathetic to the other person’s ideas and desires.

• Apologize and sympathize with a person when they’re angry and often they will return the gesture.

• Assume the other person is honest and fair.

• Pay alone will not bring camaraderie, teamwork, and hard work. You can make almost anything into a game to make work more fun and fulfilling.

Be a leader

• Begin with praise and honest appreciation before correcting faults.

• It’s always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise for our good points.

• Call attention to other people’s mistakes indirectly.

• Stop using but before correcting a mistake after giving a compliment. Instead, change the word to and. Example: we’re really proud of you Johnnie, for raising your grades this term, and by continuing the same conscientious efforts next term, your algebra grade can be up with all the others.

• Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person

• Humbling yourself and praising the other person can turn anyone into a friend.

• Admitting one’s own mistakes—even when one hasn’t corrected them—can help convince somebody to change his behavior.

• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

• Don’t say “Do this or that,” instead, say “you might consider this, or do you think that would work?”

• Let the other person save face

• Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face.

• Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

• When criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.

• Be specific with your praise. No one wants flattery. Point out exactly how their work is great and the praise becomes much more meaningful to the other person.

• Abilities wither under criticism, they blossom under encouragement.

• Give the other person a good reputation to live up to.

• Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct

• Be liberal with your encouragement. Make the mistake seem easy to correct and let the other person know that you have faith in their ability to correct it.

• Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

• See how the situation benefits the other person and then point it out.

• Know exactly what the other person wants.